We weren’t right at the moment. The distance, our obligations to jobs, creative occupations, and both of our hesitations to begin with. We were just too busy. But in my head, I set up this notion that when the time was right, and when the distance closed or the hesitations were pushed aside, we would be something. So, slowly through the course of time, when phone calls started to be infrequent, plans were being canceled, text messages were obsolete, and my social media connections no longer seemed to have his attention, I quickly realised what my head didn’t want to. He wasn’t interested anymore.

It sucks. I can’t blame him for not being interested. I’m not blaming myself either. It wasn’t our time, and you know, it probably will never be our time.

I’m actually not even bummed about putting two and two together by facebook feed. Or that this amazing guy no longer wants something more with me. It just sucks witnessing first hand going from all of the attention to being completely invisible. The actual physical evidence that you’re no longer relevant in that persons life anymore. Poof. Just like that, you’re in the past and somebody else has his present and you’re watching it happen.

I didn’t want to fight for it. I didn’t feel the need to even speak up. I knew I couldn’t give him what he sought after, and where he is at now, I’m sure will be a much happier place than with me. I just miss him, and I miss being the special one in his life. It’s selfish, but i got rather fond of feeling things with him. That’s just how it goes sometimes.