my bones are achy and my back is bent. my room is littered with clothes in anticipation of warm weather. papers strewn about the floor. new york. portland. seattle. chicago. san francisco. five. five very different places. los angeles out. one down. phew. coffee isn’t much help. magazines stacked neatly next to books. moleskin fresh and crisp. my penmanship is shaky and my lips are chapped. smoke a bowl and mix it with cucumber and lime tea. three breaths in. dance party. dance party to Peaches and obscure french beats. my mind is all over the place. partydanceremixundress.
MIDNIGHT RADIOfromHedwig & The Angry Inch by Stephen Trask
Here’s another cover I RECorded a little while ago. Been waiting to post it until today.
Believe it or not, BURNING dAN was not always the tremendously extroverted swashbuckler he eventually became. Most of his life, he was pretty shy. One of the first times I remember seeing him dress up loud was to play Sgt. Luther Robinson along with a midnight show (sorta like Rocky Horror) of Hedwig.
We celebrated his 30th birthday six and a half years ago, just me and him talking all night. I miss him. But that’s one thing about becoming a tremendously extroverted swashbuckler. He made himself real easy to recall.
i miss you. i miss being overwhelmed by you. YOU probably think this is about you, but that is not the case. i enjoy sitting in my bathtub while listening to the rain. i want to have sex and fuck all the time. dance around in circles and watch my dress flow. throw on my rainboots and stomp around in puddles. hop on the train and get off somewhere new. go explore. wander fresh streets and drink in the atmosphere. eat an apple. eat more apples. pretend my phone does not exist and have real conversations.
i strive to make myself better. the only person i want to be with is myself and i am madly in love with her. i will surround myself with heart warming people and those who feed my soul. i will run and run and run and work myself into someone i can be even more proud of. i will perfect my poise and wear my ballets more often. smear my lips with rouge and paint my face with sunshine. more soccer and running and less work. i am in the mood for love and and am waiting for the right moment to drench myself with it. from myself of course. my confidence never faltered and neither did my esteem. sorry, there will be no white flags. i am the same girl on the inside, she just looks a little different. my heart is bigger than ever and despite my demands that it’s black, it’s not quite there yet.
“I wanted a perfect ending. Now I’ve learned, the hard way, that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next.
i am desperate for warm sun and freckles on my face. to run around in short shorts and skinny tank tops. feel hot sand between my toes and the sound of cresting waves. park myself on a little stretch of paradise and stay there for hours. the beach has been calling my name for weeks. i have been stock piling my drawers with barely there clothing in hightened anticipation for warm weather. my skin is itchy from one too many sweaters and is in dire need of colour.
the Girl Scout’s motto is also mine. i fill my life with worthwhile deeds such as—well, never mind what. my duty is—to be useful. i am a friend to male animals. i obey orders. I am cheerful. that was another police car. i am thrifty and i am absolutely filthy in thought, word and deed.